Mark "Porky" Graham  | 
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A gentle giant who hits the ball miles and looks to be a much better player than he actually is. See the "POWER SWING OF IN SLOW MOTION" video Hits the ball massive distances and should score really low but Porky will lose concentration easily and fritter unbelievable amounts of shots away. Usually brilliant at pop quizzes and would win but always fails to grasp the rules. In 2008 was promoted to be "Official Tour Rubbish Checker He gets highly ambivalent about a bad score and usually fails to finish the job on a good one as he is already thinking about the bread rolls he will be eating later. The picture shows Mark relaxing at Freslonnierre after shooting a casual 26 points. He recently had a new grip fitted on his ball retriever. Sometimes smells of fish and never wears a kilt. |
Handicap 11. |
Tours Attended: 10 | 
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Tour Wins: Won his first tour in 2004 and suffered the agony of losing the 2005 tour on a better back 6. |
Hall of Shame: One, but a close shave in 2009 was followed by last place in 2010.. |
2010 Form Less said the better, started badly and got worse. |
Future Outlook Not attending in 2011 and will be missed, but for 2012 he is expected to be much the same as his previous outings, wonderful then rubbish in equal measures. May sneak in a win during the tour but needs to sustain the consistency if he is to repeat the 2004 win. Spends too much time checking the rubbish and not enough concentrating on golf. |
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Star Sign: Baguette |
Distinguishing Marks Can be heard wandering along a golf course muttering to himself "Ho hum, It's nice here isn't it, ho hum, is it the big dog on this one? Ooh er swish swish, bash, ooh where's that gone? There will be some bread later won't there? It's nice here isn't it?....." |
Bad Habits Can consume enough bread at one sitting to feed a small Tibetan village |
Redeeming Features Probably the "nicest" bloke on tour. An all round nice bloke loved by everyone. Porky always looks for your ball, always carries your bags, puts the flag back, repairs your pitch marks and always changes your flat tyre and checks the rubbish before we leave anywhere. Doesn't know anything about classical music but thought for a short time that we all did. A classical Gritters moment with the fake Classical Music quiz had Porky in the net. |
Catchphrase "Il serait possible d'avoir encore plus de pain" |
Contents of Golf Bag A driver that resembles a grand piano on the end of a broom stick, a set of irons covered in dents and a spare cheese and ham baguette. |
