Mark "Porky" Graham  | 
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A gentle giant who hits the ball miles and looks to be a much better player than he actually is. See the "POWER SWING OF IN SLOW MOTION" video Hits the ball massive distances and should score really low but Porky will lose concentration easily and fritter unbelievable amounts of shots away. Usually brilliant at pop quizzes and would win but always fails to grasp the rules. In 2008 was promoted to be "Official Tour Rubbish Checker He gets highly ambivalent about a bad score and usually fails to finish the job on a good one as he is already thinking about the bread rolls he will be eating later. The picture shows Mark relaxing at Freslonnierre after shooting 26. He recently had a new grip fitted on his ball retriever. Sometimes smells of fish and never wears a kilt. |
Handicap 11. |
Tours Attended: 6/17 | 
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Tour Wins: Won his first tour in 2004 and suffered the agony of losing the 2005 tour on a better back 6. |
Hall of Shame: None but a close shave in 2009. |
2009 Form Started with 32 points and managed a 35 at Corhampton. A quick 28 hurt a bit but a 36, 32 and 33 meant that he was nicely placed. A 26 and 28 put paid to any chance of winning but he finished tied 3rd with Cock. |
2010 Outlook Expected to be much the same as his previous outings, wonderful then rubbish in equal measures. May sneak in a win during the tour but needs to sustain the consistency if he is to repeat the 2004 win. Spends too much time checking the rubbish and not enough concentrating on golf. |
Napster Forecast 11 handicap over 8 rounds should produce the winner but he is susceptible to verbal pressure from Tippy. Napster predicts that Porky will be back in the top three |
Star Sign: Baguette |
Distinguishing Marks Can be heard wandering along a golf course muttering to himself "Ho hum, It's nice here isn't it, ho hum, is it the big dog on this one? Ooh er swish swish, bash, ooh where's that gone? There will be some bread later won't there? It's nice here isn't it?....." |
Bad Habits Can consume enough bread at one sitting to feed a small Tibetan village |
Redeeming Features Probably the "nicest" bloke on tour. An all round nice bloke loved by everyone. Porky always looks for your ball, always carries your bags, puts the flag back, repairs your pitch marks and always changes your flat tyre and checks the rubbish before we leave anywhere. Doesn't know anything about classical music but thought for a short time that we all did. A classical Gritters moment with the fake Classical Music quiz had Porky in the net. |
Catchphrase "Il serait possible d'avoir encore plus de pain" |
Contents of Golf Bag A driver that resembles a grand piano on the end of a broom stick, a set of irons covered in dents and a spare cheese and ham baguette. |
