| Darrell Fone | |  | 
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Darrel is generally quite the gentle silent type, although the intake of red wine changes this situation according to the following formula. Students of mathematics will note that this is a function of a function and that as both G and T increase over time and N increases towards infinity then the propensity of the integral of dG over dT to disregard the quantities of both B and W will tend to increase the volume of S towards quite a lot. FOR TOP TIP No.47 CLICK ONTO DARRELL'S PICTURE >>>>>> To see Darrell's swing in slow motion, click onto the formula chart below 
The formula above is derived using the symbols below: |
g = the number of other golfers present t = time elapsed since first drink b = the amount of bread eaten w = the volume of water drunk %a = the percentage proof of the red wine R(w) = the volume of red wine consumed n = number of post dinner brandies (g.t) = number of pre dinner gin and tonics S = the amount of sick on the carpet Data gathered from the Splinter Group Breakaway Scotland trip in 1995 resulted in the chart shown opposite: | |  |
Handicap | 11 |
Tours Attended: | Two |
Tour Wins | None |
Hall of Shame | None |
2009 Form | By his own admission, 2008 was something of a roller coaster year on the golf course with some highs but mostly lows. The swing tends to be a little on the flat side but then again that does generate a fair amount of distance. When it gets too flat Darrell hits an intermittent rapid snap hook. This has been the undoing of many a good round. Should Darrell happen to be playing particularly well one day, it is always good to encourage him with a remark such as "I say Darrell, you're playing particularly well today, no sign of the snap hook at all". The tour started poorly with 27 points but then there were three 33's on the bounce. The following day's 31 points gave no hint of what was to come. A truly magnificent 42 points at Val Andre was inspired golf. The 27 at Clecy was disappointing and probably cost him the title. The closing 32 though put his score up to 26 under and equal first. Sadly, we have to have a winner and, as with tradition, this is done on the arbitrary back nine countback and Darrell finished second. A great effort. |
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| 2010 Outlook | For Darrell, the glass is always half full, and he was expected to finish halfway. If he plays like he did at Val Andre, he could win. |
Napster Forecast: | Should show well for the first few rounds but the new courses and the late nights may prove to much in the end. Napster predicts a top half finish, maybe even top three. |
| Anagram | Fallen order (shouldn't that be fallen over?) |
Star Sign | Tufted Wilton |
Bad Habits | Once owned a Fiat. |
Redeeming Features | Turns up, pays his whack, joins in, Darrell is an excellent and worthy addition to the tour. |
Catchphrase | Don't worry, I'll pay for the carpet. |
| Contents of Golf Bag | Slippers, car rug, thermos flask and a | good book ready for an early night |
