|Stewart "Stewie" Campbell|
You really have to hand it to Stewie.
Because normally, he can't reach it.
Like Porky, John, The Swede and Camp David before him, he tried to carry on the tradition of winning the tour on his first try. Instead he finished in bottom place.
Nice to have had Stewart on board.
Handicap: not enough: Tours Attended : 1
|Andy "Tully" Tull|
the 2013 tour to Turkey and had a great time.|
As it turned out, he is a thoroughly nice bloke, turned up, paid his whack, didn't win much, the perfect tourist.
Might come again one day, who knows.
Alan " Silver Fox" Butler
Sextagenarian from Solihull who claims to have been a stand in for George Clooney.
The possibility of this is certainly true and would have required only minimal effort to achieve.
We think that maybe just some hair dye, extensive plastic surgery on eyes, nose and mouth , skin treatments, some gym sessions and obviously a change of wardrobe. (Luckily that shirt did not make it onto tour.
2010 was Alan's only tour, he finished fourth after leading early
He played really well for first few rounds but the last two rounds failed to live up to the early promise. finished in the Top Team though.
May come again one day, who knows.
|Steve " The Narrowboat" Narroway|
In fairness, the photograph was taken on a bad hair day in poor light and so
I was told that there are a series of photographs entitled "Steve in Action" that will shortly be available. It turns out that I misheard this, the photographs are actually of Steve in Acton.
Steve was a welcome addition to the tour, Steve turned up three times, on time,
coughed up his money, drank a lot, told a few stories and came last.
In fact, the ideal tourist.
He may come again one day, who knows.
A firm favourite of the group, a thoroughly nice bloke with a laconic sense of humour,
Aitch is usually fantastic off the tee. The ball is struck firmly and accurately and makes a lovely whooshing sounds as it flies away usually ending up on a nice patch of short grass within easy reach of the green. If all goes well then a crisply struck iron will result in yet another green found in regulation and a routine par.
On his day Aitch can shoot some very low scores despite using a putter picked up at a car boot sale. But, in common with most of the other attendees, Aitch is more than capable of getting off the tee only to then disintegrate rapidly.
Partnering Harry consists mainly of Harry hitting the ball and you saying "good shot Harry."
Although it is not the case (as a cursory examination of previous scores will show) It seems that Aitch always gets at least 36 points and knows everything that there is to know about fish.
Harry has attended 8 tours and may come again one day.
When playing badly can leave a trail of divots 5 yards apart up the fairway making it appear that a gang of badly behaved ferrets have had a fight with some badgers after having been out for a drink and a curry
Mark Hiles (Hilesy)
Attended the 2004 tour and proved to be an excellent addition to the line up. The only other player, apart
from the winner, to achieve scores in all six rounds in the thirties. Mark had an impressive debut tour.
A good solid hitter of the ball, strong in most departments but prone to the odd duck hook and to hacking
when stressed (for example when deprived of a mobile phone to call home). On previous trips away Mark is
on the telephone to his wife every twenty minutes providing this long suffering woman with a running
commentary on his game, what he is eating and how he is sleeping.
Catchphrase:"....yes, I'm having a lovely time darling, No, I didn't drink too much and yes I slept well,
I am eating properly, in fact I've just this minute had a nice breakfast, I'm keeping warm, I'm wearing
the black trousers and the shirt that your mother bought for me, I three putted four times yesterday
but I've been practicing my long irons and I'm looking forward to a nice piece of fish tonight".
Lovely chap, he may come along again one day.
Tim "Fairground" Fairbairn.
Fairground attended four tours and hopefully may yet one day join us again. Great fun and living proof of
that old adage "never attribute to malice what you can put down to stupidity". When he first discovered
that they drive on the right in France he got very worried. He told us in the bar that he thought it was
very dangerous and that he had come close to an accident whilst practicing on the Wolverhampton Road.
Handicap: No common sense
Tours attended: Four
Tour wins: None
Star Sign: Double cheese burger
Catchphrase: "Avez Vous any Chambres"?
Great bloke to have in your company, lets hope he attends another tour one day.
Graham "The Almoner" Champken
Having attended five tours he simply vanished one year. His current whereabouts are something of a mystery. Some say that he is a Tax Accountant with an "A" listed PLC and has settled down to a life of married bliss with two children, but the smart money says that he is masquerading as a Belgian Rabbi and is the manager of a multi faith bingo hall with a kebab concession in the Philippines. Was once arrested at a "save the whale" protest rally in a field just outside Oswestry, loves to spend the odd weekend at monastic retreats and once, just for a laugh, swallowed four large tablespoons full of English mustard.
Is now an Honorary Gritter
Tours attended: Five
Tour wins: One. 1994
Hall of Shame Entries: None
Star Sign: Mustard.
Catchphrases: "let us pray" and "pass the mustard".
Now heavily married with kids, but may be able to find a spare week and come along again with us one day.
Cameron "FitzCarpets" Fitzhenry
Best ever score was achieved at Hatchford Brook municipal on his 14th birthday when he holed a
thirty foot down hill left to righter on the 18th green for a gross 99. Recently failed an audition for
a small non singing part in a local amateur production of "The Sound of Music", he was last seen
standing on his hands fitting carpets in down town Solihull begging for small change. Cameron
attended three tours but, following a profound disagreement with a Ben Hogan snake eyes putter,
does not play golf much anymore. Is now an honorary Gritter.
Tours attended: Three
Tour wins: None
Hall of Shame Entries: None
Star Sign: Handstand
Catchphrase: "Sometimes I feel like I am two different people".
Great bloke, he might come along again one day
Richard "Buck" Rogers
Buck attended four tours and then disappeared. He may return one day, who knows?
He left us to form a left wing splinter group and was last heard of working as a floor supervisor
in a cottage industry manufacturing canary purgative to a secret recipe. Spends his evenings
playing Taiwanese Backgammon and writing folk songs on the banjo.
Tours attended: Four
Tour wins: One. 1996
Hall of Shame Entries: One. 1995..
Star Sign: Suitcase.
Catchphrase: "I'm history"
We don't know where he is now, so its difficult to invite him, but he would be welcome to come along again one day.
Paul "Landlord" Salisbury
Normally if you have only attended one tour, then your name is consigned to the oblivion of the
bottom category of "Others Not Mentioned By Name". We make an exception for Paul because
he was such great fun. It's a bit of a mystery why Paul accepted the invitation one year as he
cannot play golf. Still, he enjoyed it and we all enjoyed his company. He remains the only tour
member never to have slept in his hotel bedroom for the duration of the tour. He spent nights
in the back of his car, in someone else's bath and under a hedge.
Handicap: Not enough. (by some considerable margin)
Tours attended: One
Tour wins: None
Hall of Shame Entries: One. 1996..
Star Sign: Exploding golf ball.
Catchphrase: "Where's my room"?
He is a very busy entrepeneur now and he still can't play golf, but he might come again one day.
Mike "The Baron" Bucknall
At very popular regular who attended six tours, his last being in 2002. He didn't come in 2003
but there were strong hopes that he would one day appear again. Sadly, Mike passed away before he could.
"The Baron" was a six feet two Dustin Hoffman look-alike who nearly always scored a seven on every hole.
He could sometimes hit two massive shots and get on to an uphill 540 yard par five in two but then take
five putts, alternatively, he would knob his drive into a bush and take five more shots to get onto a
downhill 280 yards par four and then proceed to ram in a 50 feet putt.
Mike was an unpredictable 24 handicapper who chose to play off 18 out of vanity.
He never won the Gritters Tour but he turned up, he paid his whack and he joined in.
He told a few stories and he listened to ours. What more could be asked?
He was truly "one of the boys".
Mike, you made us laugh, you were a good guy to have around and we all wish you were still here.
If only you could attend just one more tour.
Sadly missed by us all. We still keep a spare card for you Mike.
Rest in peace our friend.