Tour Members Honorary Gritters Breaking News Tippy's Top Tips Fans of Short Stuff Home Page Gritters Competitions Gritters Singing Old Stuff Gritters Personality Test. Previous Winners Feedback The 2007 Tour Course Reviews Tour Statistics & Records Why are we called The Gritters The Rules Favourite Links Gritters Home page | | The following have all applied, and been accepted as, Honorary Gritters. | Name | The Great Escapees |  | | Ages | Collectively just a little higher than the European shoe sizes | | Occupations | Investment bankers, lawyers, stockbrokers, helicopter pilots, doctors, oil company executives, DotCom entrepeneurs. Just enough to support a huge love of the game of golf | | Location | Deepest Gloucestershire | | Favourite Course | Any golf course as long as we are not at work | | Second Favourite Jam | Paul Weller | | Shoe Size | Impossible to work out. Each member has far too many shoes to count. Would take a supercomputer years to approximate. | | Distinguishing Marks | All of us have got one O'Level that ends with "ology" and we all love to wear pink. Some of us are in the final stages of a silly hat dependency. | | Personality Test Score | off the scale | | Why we want To Be an Honorary Gritters | We absolutely subscribe to the same school of fun as the Gritters, so Heather just sent the picture over, answered the silly questions and the next thing you know we are on the site and the agreement to loan the Gritters a huge sum of cash arrived. (Note: See Cash for Honorary Gritters scandal in News archives) We put up with the French calling us "Les Dames Anglaises folles se sont habillees dans le rose". But woe betide anyone we should ever meet holding us up on a golf course in France!!!! |
| Name | Gary |  | | Age | 6 months (this is 47 in Gnome years) | | Occupation | Golf Trophy and style guru | | Location | www.musthavepresents.co.uk | | Favourite Course | Jam Pudding | | Second Favourite Jam | I'll eat anything | | Shoe Size | one more than I am wearing (these are killing me) | | Distinguishing Marks | Flag was glued to left hand | | Personality Test Score | Nil ( I am only a gnome you know) | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | Well, when Phil broke the news to me I was obviously thrilled to bits. I mean, they don't let just anybody be an Honorary Gritter do they? There are all sorts of safeguards and thorough checks carried out I am told, so the fact that I have come through the intensive screening and selection process has boosted my self confidence quite a bit. Why do I want to do it? Well, for the same reason that I enjoy fishing. Note: We here at the Gritters would like to pass on our congratulations to Gary on becoming an Honorary Gritter. As you might appreciate, we get a lot of requests from crankpots and attention seekers, but Gary has passed all of the necessary tests with flying colours. Gary has all the qualities we are looking for. What dress sense! What poise! We were also especially enamoured by that slightly glazed look in his eyes so typical of a true Gritter. We are hoping to use Gary as our trophy for the 2007 tour. Imagine how thrilled this year's winner will be to receive Gary as a prize ! There are sure to be a few tears or two in our eyes as the winner says a few well chosen words on the ferry and then, in keeping with Gritters tradition, thoughtfully and sensitively, hurls Gary over the side into the Channel. A few million years from now perhaps when the seas have dried up, an archaeologist will find Gary and exclaim "wow! there used to be a golf course here". Footnote: Gary was in fact presented to T.C. (the winner of the 2007 tour). By the time the tour had concluded Gary had already suffered the indignity of a broken arm and lost both his flag and putter. To find out where Gary ended up, see the 2007 Gritters Movie.
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| Name | Yoda |  | | Age | 900 | | Occupation | Jedi Master | | Location | Dagobah | | Favourite Course | Dagobah (Old) | | Second Favourite Jam | Gimer Stick | | Shoe Size | wear shoes I do not | | Distinguishing Marks | none think of can I | | Personality Test Score | 2 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | An honorary Gritter to be I want because a message from the dark side there is. A good time in France playing golf they are having. Pleased to be a part of it am I. |
| Name | Two blokes in a bar in Cadiz |  | | Age | 70 and 71 | | Occupation | Golf pundits | | Location | Cadiz | | Favourite Course | Dinard | | Second Favourite Jam | Andalucian plum | | Shoe Size | 7 and 8 | | Distinguishing Marks | Great eyesight | | Personality Test Score | 30 and 31 | | Why we want To Be Honorary Gritters | | Well, you know what, there is a massive amount of interest in the Gritters here in Cadiz, we just love everything about them, the players, the pictures, the movies, the golf courses, the singing, the results and the whole event generally. The Gritters are the subject of much late night discussion in bars all over the town. But then, once a year, when the tournament itself is in full swing..... well then the place goes completely crazy. It is party time. Obviously everyone in the whole town takes a keen interest in all of the players but you know that you just can't help having favourites. In this bar we particularly like to keep track of how well Harry is doing. Harry is a good player and a great Gritter but every now and again, he hits one low and left in to the bushes. Sometimes our hearts are in our mouths when we see the ball take a bad bounce and finish badly. So, it is nice for us to be able to report back on the state of his lie. It is really great to be invited to be honorary Gritters and we shall have a drink to you. In fact, I think we'll have one more in here. |
| Name | Graham Champken |  | | Age | 44 | | Occupation | Multi faith Bingo Caller | | Location | Phillipines | | Favourite Course | I love all courses | | Second Favourite Jam | I love all jams | | Shoe Size | 12 | | Distinguishing Marks | Mustard burns | | Personality Test Score | 3 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | You know what? I just like to feel like I belong to something worthwhile, people stopped inviting me to things once I started eating huge spoonfuls of mustard. I am sure if I think about it hard enough I can make these bulbs light up. I still feel like I have something to contribute and I am a better putter than Tippy. Oh sorry? What? Oh yes, two fat ladies- eighty eight. Which, by an odd coincidence is my average score. |
| Name | Gail et Gwendoline |  | | Age | Cheeky! | | Occupation | Propietaires de laverie | | Location | Montreuil sur mer | | Favourite Course | pas! | | Second Favourite Jam | Quelque chose qui ne souillera pas | | Shoe Size | n/a | | Distinguishing Marks | Aucun que vous pouvez voir | | Personality Test Score | tres haut | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | Nous Voulons votre bicyclette retournee a nous |
| Name | Cedric (no surnames okay!) |  | | Age | 28 | | Occupation | Fire Chief | | Location | East Thermia | | Favourite Course | Pudding | | Second Favourite Jam | Lemon Curd | | Shoe Size | 11 | | Distinguishing Marks | Yellow Hat | | Personality Test Score | 15 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | I know T.C. quite well from the dressing up club and I thought that it would be kind of neat to be an honorary Gritter. I sure am real glad to come on board. (geddit?) |
| Name | Desmond Horn |  | | Age | 22 | | Occupation | Piano Player | | Location | Brittany ferry | | Favourite Course | Portsmouth / St Malo | | Second Favourite Jam | Raspberry | | Shoe Size | 14 | | Distinguishing Marks | none | | Personality Test Score | 44 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | To be honest my life as going nowhere. Well, to be strictly accurate, when I say nowhere, it was actually going back and forth between Portsmouth and St Malo every day. I was doing this dead end job playing uninspired jazz piano for the disinterested passengers on the Portsmouth to St Malo overnight ferry, when one day, the Gritters appeared. They joined in with me on that fateful night when my life changed forever. Clarkie showed me how to play a diminished tenth with a flattened fifth grace note, T.C. gave me some invaluable fashion advice, Short Stuff told me about life in the moment in the fast lane, Tippy gave me some anti aging cream and the name of a music business contact, Cash Till gave me a pamphlet about stress avoidance, Aitch told me to eat more fish and Porky suggested that extra bread might give me more energy. They were all very encouraging and I woke up the next morning with a new perspective. I can honestly say that I owe the Gritters everything. That experience changed everything for me, gave me new hope for a better future, convinced me that life really was worth living. I know that the Gritters don't want anything in return and would be embarrassed by cash, so, let me say a simple thank you. Thanks Gritters, thank you from the bottom of my heart, thanks for everything. |
| Name | Cameron Fitzhenry |  | | Age | 23 | | Occupation | acrobat | | Location | upside down | | Favourite Course | redditch municipal | | Second Favourite Jam | apricot | | Shoe Size | 7 | | Distinguishing Marks | None. I am completely undistinguished | | Personality Test Score | 33 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | I came on the tour once but no one noticed so I thought that the only way back was via this honorary method. I notice that honorary membership carries no playing rights (or indeed any rights at all as far as I can see). Still, nice to feel that I am part of it all. (p.s. when does the loan get repaid?) |
| Name | Mung Hung High |  | | Age | 947 | | Occupation | Ruler of West Thermia | | Location | Thermia | | Favourite Course | Thermia | | Second Favourite Jam | Thermian orange | | Shoe Size | 12 | | Distinguishing Marks | made of plastic | | Personality Test Score | 50 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | Start small, get to know people, then take it over and become your life president |
| Name | Ann |  | | Age | 22 | | Occupation | Ruler of the Universe (elect) | | Location | Widdecombe | | Favourite Course | Copt Heath | | Second Favourite Jam | Banana | | Shoe Size | 4 | | Distinguishing Marks | none | | Personality Test Score | 78 | | Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter | | The Gritters are a lovely bunch of lads, I would love to take the one called Short Stuff back to my home and read him a story |
| Name | The French Connection Four |  | | Ages | 5,6,7,8........ | | Occupation | Baritone Harmony Group | | Location | Cherbourg Fast Ferry | | Favourite Course | La Bretesche | | Second Favourite Jam | Junction 11, M1 at 7.30am | | Shoe Sizes | 5,6,7,8......... | | Distinguishing Marks | Too many to list | | Personality Test Scores | 5,6,7,8........... | | Why we want To Be Honorary Gritters | | Answers on a postcard please............all together now.............hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm |
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