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The following have all been accepted as,

Honorary Gritters.

NameThe Great Escapees

Collectively just a little higher

than the European shoe sizes

OccupationsInvestment bankers, lawyers, stockbrokers, helicopter pilots, doctors, oil company executives, DotCom entrepeneurs.

 Just enough to support a huge love of the game of golf

LocationDeepest Gloucestershire
Favourite Course

Any golf course as long as we

are not at work

Shoe SizeImpossible to work out. Each member has far too many shoes to count. Would take a supercomputer years to approximate.
Distinguishing MarksAll of us have got one O'Level that ends with "ology" and we all love to wear pink. Some of us are in the final stages of a silly hat dependency.
Personality Test Scoreoff the scale
Why we want To Be an Honorary Gritters

We absolutely subscribe to the same school of fun as the Gritters, so Heather just sent the picture over, answered the silly questions and the next thing you know we are on the site and the agreement to loan the Gritters a huge sum of cash arrived.

(Note: See Cash for Honorary Gritters scandal in News archives)

 We put up with the French calling us "Les Dames Anglaises folles se sont habillees dans le rose". But woe betide anyone we should ever meet holding us up on a golf course in France!!!!


6 months (this is 47 in Gnome years)

OccupationGolf Trophy and style guru
Favourite Course

Jam Pudding

Shoe Size

one more than I am wearing

(these are killing me)

Distinguishing MarksFlag was glued to left hand
Personality Test ScoreNil ( I am only a gnome you know)
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
Well, when Phil broke the news to me I was obviously thrilled to bits. I mean, they don't let just anybody be an Honorary Gritter do they? There are all sorts of safeguards and thorough checks carried out I am told, so the fact that I have come through the intensive screening and selection process has boosted my self confidence quite a bit. Why do I want to do it? Well, for the same reason that I enjoy fishing.

Note: We here at the Gritters would like to pass on our congratulations to Gary on becoming an Honorary Gritter. As you might appreciate, we get a lot of requests from crankpots and attention seekers, but Gary has passed all of the necessary tests with flying colours. Gary has all the qualities we are looking for. What dress sense! What poise! We were also especially enamoured by that slightly glazed look in his eyes so typical of a true Gritter. We were hoping to use Gary again as our trophy but it was never to be. Imagine how thrilled the winner would be to receive Gary as a prize ! There are sure to be a few tears or two in our eyes as the winner says a few well chosen words on the ferry and then, in keeping with Gritters tradition, thoughtfully and sensitively, hurls Gary into the lake by the 18th.

Footnote: Gary was in fact first presented to T.C. (the winner of the 2007 tour). By the time the tour had concluded Gary had already suffered the indignity of a broken arm and lost both his flag and putter. To find out where Gary ended up, see the 2007 Gritters Movie.

NameTwo blokes in a bar in Cadiz 
Age70 and 71
OccupationGolf pundits
Favourite CourseDinard
Shoe Size7 and 8
Distinguishing MarksGreat eyesight
Personality Test Score30 and 31
Why we want To Be Honorary Gritters
Well, you know what, there is a massive amount of interest in the Gritters here in Cadiz, we just love everything about them, the players, the pictures, the movies, the golf courses, the singing, the results and the whole event generally. The Gritters are the subject of much late night discussion in bars all over the town. But then, once a year, when the tournament itself is in full swing..... well then the place goes completely crazy. It is party time. Obviously everyone in the whole town takes a keen interest in all of the players but you know that you just can't help having favourites. In this bar we particularly like to keep track of how well Cock is doing. Cock is a reasonable player and a great Gritter but every now and again, he hits one high and right in to the bushes. Sometimes our hearts are in our mouths when we see the ball take a bad bounce and finish badly. So, it is nice for us to be able to report back on the state of his lie. And of course, when he is just off the green and tries to do a chip shot, the place goes really quiet. It is really great to be invited to be honorary Gritters and we shall have a drink to you. In fact, I think we'll have one more in here.
NameGraham Champken
OccupationMulti faith Bingo Caller
Favourite CourseI love all courses
Second Favourite JamI love all jams
Shoe Size12
Distinguishing MarksMustard burns
Personality Test Score3
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
You know what? I just like to feel like I belong to something worthwhile, people stopped inviting me to things once I started eating huge spoonfuls of mustard. I am sure if I think about it hard enough I can make these bulbs light up. I still feel like I have something to contribute and I am a better putter than Tippy. Oh sorry? What? Oh yes, two fat ladies- eighty eight. Which, by an odd coincidence is my average score.
NameGail et Gwendoline
OccupationPropietaires de laverie
LocationMontreuil sur mer
Favourite Coursepas!
Second Favourite JamQuelque chose qui ne souillera pas
Shoe Sizen/a
Distinguishing MarksAucun que vous pouvez voir
Personality Test Scoretres haut
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
Nous Voulons votre bicyclette retournee a nous
NameDesmond Horn
OccupationPiano Player
LocationBrittany ferry
Favourite CoursePortsmouth / St Malo
Second Favourite JamRaspberry
Shoe Size14
Distinguishing Marksnone
Personality Test Score44
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
To be honest my life as going nowhere. Well, to be strictly accurate, when I say nowhere, it was actually going back and forth between Portsmouth and St Malo every day. I was doing this dead end job playing uninspired jazz piano for the disinterested passengers on the Portsmouth to St Malo overnight ferry, when one day, the Gritters appeared. They joined in with me on that fateful night when my life changed forever. Clarkie showed me how to play a diminished tenth with a flattened fifth grace note, T.C. gave me some invaluable fashion advice, Short Stuff told me about life in the moment in the fast lane, Tippy gave me some anti aging cream and the name of a music business contact, Cash Till gave me a pamphlet about stress avoidance, Neal turned the air conditioning up, Aitch told me to eat more fish and Porky suggested that extra bread might give me more energy. They were all very encouraging and I woke up the next morning with a new perspective.

I can honestly say that I owe the Gritters everything. That experience changed everything for me, gave me new hope for a better future, convinced me that life really was worth living. I know that the Gritters don't want anything in return and would be embarrassed by cash,  so, let me say a simple thank you. Thanks Gritters, thank you from the bottom of my heart, thanks for everything.

NameCameron Fitzhenry
Locationupside down
Favourite Courseredditch municipal
Shoe Size7
Distinguishing MarksNone. I am completely undistinguished
Personality Test Score33
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
I came on the tour once but no one noticed so I thought that the only way back was via this honorary method. I notice that honorary membership carries no playing rights (or indeed any rights at all as far as I can see). Still, nice to feel that I am part of it all. (p.s. when does the loan get repaid?)


Kevin R Gibson


Approaching 50 (from which direction is unclear)


Adding up and taking away and writing things down a lot.


North somewhere

Favourite course

Des Ormes

Jam preference

Second favourite is Ginger. (Actually also 3rd and 4th favourite too)

Distinguishing marks

Blue hands, wool hat, winter warmers, (even in July).

Personality test score

33. (May need to devise a more stringent test we think).

Love / Hate

Peanut Brittle and four footers

Why I want to be an Honorary Gritter

They keep sending me unsolicited gifts. These have included offers of loans, photographs of themselves in compromising positions, golf instruction books, videos, badges, invitations to "special events", kitchen gadgets and old golf balls.

It was only after I agreed to become an Honorary Gritter that they promised to stop it.

They haven't.

NameDek Badger
OccupationActor in Badger films
LocationForest of Galtres, York
Favourite CourseHas banned me
Shoe Size7.5
Distinguishing MarksLots (and I mean lots) of tattoos. When naked I look like an Iranian carpet.
Personality Test Score35
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
I want to promote my series of Badger films. As everyone knows, there are simply not enough films featuring badgers and I desperately want to put that right. So, using my new hand held digital camcorder, me and my friend Lez have remade some well known films and tried to bring out the badger aspects.

Examples of our work include:

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Badger:   One flew over the Badger's nest:    The Badger has landed:      

Badgers on a plane:      The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and her Badger:    

101 Badgers:        Where Badgers dare:       The Man with the Golden Badger

Full Metal Badger:    Clockwork Badger

We shall shortly be moving into song recording too and plan to record some great classics such as:

My Old Man's a Badger,             Anyone who had a badger,            Its a kind of badger, 

I've got you under my badger and, who could forget that ABBA Classic,          Badger me, Badger You.



vacant slot

Favourite Course 
Second Favourite Jam 
Shoe Size 
Distinguishing Marks 
Personality Test Score 
Why I want To Be an Honorary Gritter
NameThe French Connection Four
OccupationBaritone Harmony Group
LocationCherbourg Fast Ferry
Favourite CourseLa Bretesche
Second Favourite JamJunction 11, M1 at 7.30am
Shoe Sizes5,6,7,8.........
Distinguishing MarksToo many to list
Personality Test Scores5,6,7,8...........
Why we want To Be Honorary Gritters
Answers on a postcard please............all together now.............hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm