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The Gritters Competitions Page

There are currently Three main sections to this page.

1. "Submit a funny Caption" competition.

2. Gritters General Knowledge Test  

3. A couple of Brainteasers for fun

One: Caption CompetitionYou have to suggest a funny phrase or caption for the photo below

send your entry to: MY COMPETITION ENTRY
"Having decided to take his tree wood, our hero was reminded of the joke about the two Welshmen, the Sheep and the Railings".

The French Connection







Entries received:

Cock and Tippy had previously agreed that, if they both shot less than 30, they would come out. The scene above captures the moment just before the French kissing.

Short Stuff was pissed to say the least and wanted to know who had super glued a three wood to his elbow while he was asleep.

Cock is accused by Tippy of breaking wind, Short Stuff owns up to it, Harry and TC both cop a lung full.

"We can do a deal, I will stop calling you a wasp, you stop calling me a bald old coot"







Entries received:

"I think that Viagra tablet is starting to work, don't move the napkin, fetch the thick crombie and let's see if we can sneak this bugger into town"

"I know it cost you 300 euro's, but do you really think that Napoleons white flag would have had 'Kleenex' embossed on it"?

Judging the 'Count the bogeys' competition had their full attention.



Two: Gritters General Knowledge: 

The Prize is a dozen Titliest pro V golf balls (as used by Clarkie). 

In the event of a tie then the answer to the tie breaking phrase will be considered. All answers by email please.

1. All the holes at Omaha Beach are named after people who figured prominently in the second world war, who is the second hole named after?

2. Where was the pink jumper purchased?

3. Who hit the bread van?

4. There are only three tour members who have finished in last place more than once. The Baron is one, who are the others?

5. Who has won the most tours?

6. What is the name of the former barman at L'Universe hotel who likes to sing "Hey Jude"?

7. After a fine drive, whose second shot ended up here?





8. Who was once arrested in Oswestry?

9.  Where exactly is this? (which hole on which course?)






10.  Who plays with a "Gentleman's Persuader"?

11. Who is the only tour player never to have slept in his own bed?

12. Who is this in the photo below?






13. Who never wears a kilt?

14. Short Stuff once blobbed 32 holes on one tour, which year did he do this?

15. Who once missed the gangplank and walked into the harbour?

The Tie break phrase.

Complete this phrase in 25 words or less:

It must be great being a Gritter because..................................


All answers emailed to:



Three: Gritters Brain Box Tough Questions section.

A quite difficult brainteaser below. No prizes, but quite a complex problems for you to wile away a few hours with when you can't get out on the golf course.


The problem of the Golfer and his car

This is a lengthy, difficult though solvable puzzle and contains no trickery or misleading clues.  

It is in three parts, the situation, the clues, the question.

a) The situation is:


1.There are five adjacent houses in a street.

Each house is a different colour (The five colours are, not in any particular order, White, Blue, Red, Green and yellow)

2. In each house lives just one person, each with a different nationality. (The nationalities are, not in any particular order, British, Swedish, German, Norwegian and Danish)

3.The five owners each drink a certain beverage

These are, not in any particular order, Coffee, tea, milk, water and beer.

4. They each smoke a particular brand of cigarette

These are, not in any particular order, Marlborough, Dunhill, Cheroots, Bensons and Sovereigns

5. They each keep a pet

These are, not in any particular order, Dog, cat, horse, bird, fish

6. They each drive a different make of car

These are, again in no particular order, Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Saab and Rover

7. They each play a sport or game

These are, again in no specific order, Golf, Tennis, Snooker, Bridge and Squash.


No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand, drink the same beverage, drive the same car or play the same sport.

b) These are the Clues:


The British man lives in a red house

The man who plays squash lives in an end house

The Swede keeps dogs as pets

The Danish person drinks tea

The green house is on the left of the white house

The green house owner drinks coffee

The snooker player drives an Audi, he parks it next to a Rover

The dog owner does not drive a BMW

The Marlborough smoker rears birds and plays bridge

The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill

The man living in the centre house drinks milk

The Norwegian lives in the first house

The man who smokes Sovereign lives next door to cats

The man who keeps a horse lives next to the Dunhill smoker

The beer drinker smokes Bensons

The German man smokes Cheroots

The Norwegian lives next to the blue house

The man who smokes Sovereign lives next to the man who drinks water

The man who keeps fish enjoys a sport that involves hitting a moving ball and sometimes he caddies for his next door neighbour

The Rover and the Mercedes are usually parked next to each other as their owners are neighbours.


c) The question is which car does the golfer drive?